(yay i am back - photo from the movie "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs")

I am in my last year of my program (Kinesiology), and looking at my marks I just want to "sigh". I have 3 midterms in the coming week and 1 quiz + 1 written response. I am not that worried about all these stuff cause I've been through this for 4 years. What I am worried most is where I will be going next year. My marks are definitely not horrible but they aren't stellar. I have finally found something that I think I will like i.e. PT but I don't stand a chance with the competitive environment that I will be facing in just a few months. I haven't updated this blog for a very long time and I doubt that anyone reads it anymore. But if somehow you are another person just as lost in life as me, I hope you will know that there are many others like us.

Here is a song for both of us:
Aoyama Thelma - そばにいるね (I will be beside you)
click here to download!

This Japanese song was in the Oricon Top 100 for the year of 2008. I repeated this song so many times because the melody is very sweet. I think I'm a sucker for Japanese music, so it has to be really bad for me to not even DOWNLOAD the damn mp3. Anyways I really need to study. BTW, her voice is very soothing =p

How long has it been since my last entry?
Must be a long time.
Why am I writing now?

Life has been pretty good ever since I left this blog. I now have 2 jobs and yes that means I work 6 days per week. One of my jobs is a monday-friday (9-5pm) job while the other one is a part-job that I have retained since the beginning of my summer (every sunda from around 11am - 6pm). Today I am officially sick. I had to go home and sleep but to only realize it was worse because I woke up dizzy and wanted to barf. My parents did not only ignore me but yelled at me for not sleeping. I think I wrote an entry about the importance of money a while ago an it is time for me to explain at has happened to me the last few months.

THIS NEW JOB that I got myself into is giving me very good pay but is located in downtown which is approximately a 2 hour transportation sucking time waster. I wake up around 6:15 am and find myself home around 7:15pm...happy? I don't think so. What I love about this job is that it's relaxing and no one cares when you take breaks, it's an honour system of rather or not you want to write down the exact length of time your breaks lasted. I get to leave early on fridays (awesome) and to my surprise my parents want me to keep working and no...seems like they don't think I am human. Today, after knowing I am in extremely horrible condition I realized how much parents don't care and just want money. I mean I guess they do care but I live a miserable life right now (2 jobs, 6 days a week...and I haven't included all the other stuff).

I am the Co-President of a cultural club in my university. Most of you may realize that clubs in university are rather different than the kiddy ones in high school (I have been involved in high school ones too). I take the time to find sponsors and sometimes end up at home around 10:30pm (yep..u got that right I bus in the darkkkkkkkkk). I actually just got my G licence last week (through weeks of hard training with my dad...yah we didn't even hire a proper driving teacher) but actually passed =3. After I passed no one really said I did a good job, I was like ok...wtf just happened to my life?

Every summer has been pretty bad with my parents. Most asian parents disapprove of everything you do, from the concern about marks to your boyfriend. I love my boyfriend right now and have never been happier. They disapprove him and make me coem home at 9:30pm --> NINE THIRTYPM...LIKE FUCK I'M 20000000000000 YRS OLD.

So life has sucked pretty much. I wish none of u have to work 6 days a week, only get 2 hours for yourself every night, get yelled at from parents for not getting a scholarhip in school (I'm sorry I'm dumb), get yelled at for being the co-prez of a club because it's stupid, get yelled at because you are fat, get yelled at because you are helping your parents buy stuff from hk but they don't come even though u asked all ur friends, get yelled at because u come home late (oh fuck right 11:00pm = late), get yelled at for making a cake for ur bday because U USED THE OVEN that never got dirty, got yelled at because u r hungry when dinner is always at 9pm intsead of 7 pm, got yelled at because u want to go to the kitchen for a drink (this one is pretty unreasonable), got yelled at because u r using the phone (because parents don't want to know u rn't studying when it's fucking summer), got yelled at because u r on ur laptop and watching tv....................

that's my rant.
meanwhile i will come back and upload music for those of u who actually missed me.

Starting to feel a little emo lately. I applied to so many jobs (approximately more than 40 of my resumes have been sent) and I only got less than 5 replies. Luckily I had two interviews but they were both in retail. I really wonder why so little companies gave me a chance...I mean an interview is good enough for me =(

I need to pay rent for my off campus house which totals around $430 ish every month. Unfortunately the rent is a yearly contract so even though I am not living there for three months I must pay the monthly room ment (excluding utilities). Working part-time really isn't doing it for me especially when they are only paying me minimum wage. I mean I can pay off the monthly rent but I want to save some money for the future. Aside from all the saving and paying off I need some money for myself to spend. Can you imagine an university student not hanging out with her friends in the summer? Seriously that ain't going to be how I will live. It makes me sad to finally realize the importance of money. My parents don't like the idea of me working because they think I will only think about MONEY when I work. Yes of course, who wouldn't? But my lack of employment history is what I think has contributed to my unsuccessful job hunt. My best friend once said that I will understand why beautiful young ladies marry old wrinkly rich man. It makes me sad to know that I actually understand why they do that.

I think I am a really hard-working person and I get decent marks in University even though I am not extremely bright (my ex once said I am not the sharpest pencil in the box which had a big impact on me as you can see). It's sad don't you think that we are all born with a limited IQ or EQ. I mean we can all try our hardest but there's a limit to everything. Anyways right now my situation isn't good, I donm't mind waking up early, sleeping early, going home around 6 or 7 pm everyday. But my life is barely exciting. Do you guys lead the same lifestyles? When I go home I just watch a bit of dramas, eat, work on my club stuff, watch a bit of drama, exericse and sleep. Even the exercise part has become a 'if you are free then do' thing. I really wish I can exercise daily but I have so much to do each day so I rather spend my free time just sitting down and enjoying my anime or dramas =)

Anyhow I'm just a bit bogged down after discovering how important money is. My dream is to work in Japan and Hong Kong. That kind of dream won't be fulfilled unless I make enough money and start saving it. I am sure lots of you are doing the same thing or have been in my position. I know that seriously my situation isn't bad at all but it just saddens me that to reach my dream I will need to try a lot harder. However after knowing where I am in life and how far I am from my dream, I have made my mind set to a certain goal. I hope everyone fulfills their dream and not give up. Writing this in my blog actually made me happier =)

If anyone feels like their dream is impossible to succeed or anything, just don't give up. If you have a passion for it then there is a chance !!!

and just for laughs...



Yah I would punch the person who made this sign...credits: soompi

e-x-a-m-s = death
exams are in less than one week, to be precise, in four days
am i screwed?
OH YES.

i have changed my facebook password into something i can no longer remember but i did save the password somewhere on my laptop..hopefully it won't get lost too!
i will no longer be "online" for msn, maybe appear offline
but lately i have had no motivation to study, maybe this will make me fire up
it's almost 2 and i will sleep after i finish my shower (late shower..>.<)
usually i sleep around 4 am doing nothing but youtubing

anyways....sigh**
and here's something for the guyz out there who feel really tired...=p

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE
I HOPE YOU DO WELL ON YOUR EXAMS TOO
and you guessed right i won't be updating for some ass-long time =p

There has been a lot of =( news lately.
First off is the death of Heath Lodger. I barely know him because I have not yet seen ANY OF HIS MOVIES. I mean I know ALL ABOUT Brokeback Mountain but still haven't seen it =.=
But for sure I will be watching Batman Returns.
I was actually pretty shocked when I knew he died, because the cause of his death was like such a mystery!

So yesterday around 8pm-ish a famous celebrity died in Hong Kong. We all know about the Edison/Gil scandal but what happened yesterday was quite a shock. Her name is Lydia and in chinese it is 沈殿霞. We all call her 'fay jea' as in the fat sis. She is definitely not thin (contrary to the norms of hong kong women). She is known to be fat but also a really outgoing person. Lydia died yesterday from cancer. She died at the age of 61.



I actually made a picture for her today. You can see that she is in a wheelchair behind the big happy picture of her from years ago. I never expected her to die. It was EXTREMELY SHOCKING. Crap, I just noticed I did a shitty job in the blending...I still have much to learn about photoshop...

Anyhow, if you have someone you love..please tell them when you get the chance. You never know what might happen to you tomorrow. I'm not trying to jinx you =.=

It's sad to know that celebrities (the ones with the $$) can't get healed. You'd think that money would solve all problems -- no it doesn't. Does it mean that medicine/health care is still not good enough? Or maybe that fay jea did not take the appropriate steps/actions to take care of herself?

*shrugs*